camp was surprisingly okay. except the last part, when we were all tired and the third trainer wasn't as funny or energetic and entertaining as the two before her.
i'm so tired. i really wonder why. sleeping early doesn't seem to help.
i hate filing.
my eyelids simply refuse to stay open. what is wrong with me?
i have to take about 14 pills in one day now. hah.
i realised today that i can't exert myself too hard(e.g. climbing stairs too fast) or my head will start throbbing like crazy.
what do i have a brain tumour or something. paranoia. pfft.
how to survive another day of camp tomorrow?
hey chingmay maybe i need counseling too. haha. but then, i'll find it really hard to open up to Mr. Ivan Lee. he's male, and part of the school. but i don't have much for him to tell anyone, because i stopped having suicidal thoughts a long time ago. and i'm pretty sure i don't have clinical depression.
but still, the stigma of going to a school counsellor.
i'm tired, exhausted, even. it's just so weird because our first trainer has these huge eyebags and he said he hasn't had a good sleep for really long but he's still full of energy. (keziah insists he's a vampire due to the purpleish eye bags he has. he does look like one actually but vampires can't live in sunny singapore. they'll reflect light! LOL.) i sleep at 10pm and wake up at 6am and still manage to be tired.
tired. i can't be the strong one anymore. but if it's in my capacity to help people, why should i stop just because i'm tired?
am i wallowing in self-pity?
i suppose i just have to suck this up and go on. the light at the end of the tunnel and rainbow at the end of the storm should give me enough comfort to press on. God will always be here for me.
it's almost like many people are saying things to enourage me along the way. even the Lent devotional. it's almost like God's speaking to me personally.
i am ashamed at the state of my spiritual life, but i'm trying harder. the lent devotional auntie Lillian Gan gave me helps, since the reading is even printed out for me to read. no need to flip through the Bible. after Lent i'll go and start on my one-year devotional which i won (third prize) for sunday school last year.
gosh my laziness shocks me sometimes.
i need to put all my trust in God. i need to remind myself He's always here.
i want to be less cynical.
Thursday, March 12, 2009mood the lights.