what could possibly be wrong with me?
gah. suppose the world really ends in 2012. if it were confirmed i'd just drop out of school or something. go do missions. or something more meaningful.
why the sudden thought?
i disappoint myself all too often.
can't comprehend my problem with homework. i mean, you just do the damn thing and be done with it.
i escape from what i have to do. either i do it good or i throw it aside. if i never attempt doing the work, i wouldn't do anything wrong. then again if i don't do it i'll never know what i truly understand.
which is possibly what makes this so tough. for me.
and what is with me these days? since when has that mattered?
my priorities are messed up.
apologies for the weird and randomly irrelevant post. as usual, it is nondescript, something that will pass away after a time.
i don't suppose God will let me skip O levels. this is something i believe i have to go through and conquer. may His strength carry me through, because i feel weak and inadequate.
i wish i made a bigger impact in other people's lives. but what can an insignificant being like me achieve anyway?
my grandmother is talking to herself. but she is smarter than you think. i will miss her when she goes. or perhaps if she lives for 3 more years and the world ends then we can go up together or something. i don't know.
i wish people were more aware. specifically, people of my generation. there are bigger things than ourselves, our families, our school, or even our countries. i don't think Singaporean kids care much, but that would make them selfish, not to mention ignorant.
there is more to life than the O levels, A levels, getting into university and getting your degree with honours. no, auto spell check, i use British English! it is not honors. it is honours, with a u.
back to my point. most of my peers never look past their own backyard. seriously, who cares how big your garden is? or if you live in a mansion or a humble hdb apartment? or if you get full marks or a test? no one cares when you die. when you die, people extol your virtues (oh, anna was such a kind and cheerful person...), not read a long list of your accomplishments.(Olvls?Alvls?PhD?)
does it really matter if i don't get into a junior college and into a university? will you remember these things when i die?
see, humans make such a big fuss out of small things.
humans such as our principal. scholars & leaders. is that all we are to be? zhonghua oh zhonghua. Responsibility.Integrity.Care.Excellence.(RICE) we can only embody these values. today ms TGH asked jasmine "do you have RICE?" in my mind, the ideal answer would have been to say "no. what do you want rice for? to steam? make dumplings?"
but she would have killed me.
the short amount of time in which they accept the new core values is disconcerting.
i miss LI YI LIAN CHI(or is it CI?) Courteous, Righteous, Edified, Dignified. (better than RICE.)
why is this post so lengthy?
why do i ask so many questions?
why am i not going off to bathe to get ready for math tuition?
ah, the complexities of life.
by the way, i hate math, although i am fully aware the word that has been used to describe my feeling for it is very strong. however in today's generation the meaning has in fact diluted.
oh, whatever. who will read this when i die anyway?
Thursday, January 29, 2009die just to feel alive?