anyway regarding yesterday's outburst, i'm okay now.
apparently grandma has a sore on her back? no idea cos mum didn't tell me anything, heard from her phone conversation (with auntie nancy, i think)
she'll probably stay for a week and another specialist's coming in to see her tomorrow.
today morning i was just sad again because i thought of the time when i was still in primary school and a cousin's daughter was getting married. (i'm like the third youngest of all the cousins and my eldest aunt is old enough to be my grandmother so yeah.)
how weird is that huh. my niece was getting married. and i hadn't even hit puberty yet.
okay anyway i was feeling completely out of place cos i didn't know any of them except my aunt and my mum/dad/bro duh(shows you ow close we are huh) but the bride came out and talked briefly to my grandmother and i had the impression that they knew each other quite intimately.
guess i was wrong or something?
has anyone told them?
there were kids playing in a room together and i felt so left out, like i would never fit in into this family.
but that family apparently does not exist.
i think it never did.
i don't know why i feel like this because they don't visit her even on chinese new year. not all of the grand kids come. none of the great grand kids come.
so the wedding was just like. they had to invite cos of obligation?
i don't know i'm so confused. maybe that's a bad thing about having such a huge family. you don't know more than half of them
it's so weird.
i have people telling me stuff they do with their cousins and they seem so close but i feel like i don't fit in even with my mum's side's cousins. let's not even talk about dad's side cos i don't know some of them even. like i literally don't know. when my cousin got married in 09 and this cousin came and i was like wow my 2nd aunt had an older son?
i didn't even know that.
with my mum's side i'm pretty okay with them but sometimes they're so annoying, so spoilt, and i can't imagine having fun with them. we have like nothing in common. ('cept that we share a set of grandparents)
family's so important but gosh. i don't even get along well with my cousins. my aunties are better to talk to haha, maybe i'm just an auntie inside too, although sometimes they get a bit annoying
like one of my aunties said for two weeks in a row that i couldn't expect to earn much money when i became a early childhood educator. i was kinda pissed when she said it the second time cos i already said i didn't mind not earning a lot of money.
and what is it with people telling me i can't earn money as a kindergarten teacher? or being in this kind of profession? why is everyone thinking of money?
please stop telling me that because i already know and i wouldn't have chosen this if i cared, y'know?
better to let it all out now, i probably won't whine so much already haha
Friday, January 29, 2010Inburst