i always hold grudges. i dont let go of things easily. maybe thats my weak point that satan uses against me.
i've only just gotton over my ballet teacher calling me all those stupid nicknames.
i havent forgiven adriel for the idiot things he's done to insult me.(dont know him? ignore. XD)
just wanted to say i never thought of as an idiot talking about yourself. i know why you talked about what God had done, and your experiences. maybe i was jealous.
i've never felt spiritually full for such a long time now. just drained. its my own fault, but i always had to pretend i was a good christian, a good girl. the stigma of growing up in church. i've always envied those who came to know Him through whatever. those not born in a christian family who became christians. they dont have this mould to fill. they serve The Lord because they want to, because of their faith. not because they know its what they should do. first generation christians normally act out of faith. me? i follow my brain.
but i guess if i wasnt born into a christian family i would be a lot worse off. i NEED God in my life. if not maybe i'd have killed myself 10 times already. maybe i'd be a lian.
i said those things to get it off my chest, cos i didnt want to keep it in anymore. i didnt want to hold that stupid, meaningless grudge anymore. im so sorry im can be such a bitch.
what a nice life life of mine. of pretence and lies.