Didn't really want to go for camp, but it was 35 bucks and I didn't want to have paid for nothing. And lovely peeps like Kez told me it would be a pretty good distraction, so I decided to go.
It was okay overall, I guess. A lot of the messages I felt I could relate to or was me, but it was a lot to take in.
It was okay overall, I guess. A lot of the messages I felt I could relate to or was me, but it was a lot to take in.
Good stuff: People were nice, food was pretty okay, I got to do something I never thought I'd do, and I got to sleep in an air conditioned room for three nights. Worship is unlike any BC camp I've attended. People sing. Loudly. They worship for real. Messages and workshops make a lot of sense, even though some of it was basic. And I probably needed the basic stuff. I don't even have it. Games were kinda fun, but the time management was not that great. Probably because the camp comm were also very involved in the workshop.
Not so awesome stuff: Too much, all at once. Yesterday we had to go do street evangelism at various polys and I went to RP, where CC is underground (should I be posting this? I'll edit later I guess) I shared, but I didn't ask anyone if they'd like to receive Christ right on the spot. It felt very strange to me, I didn't want people to think I was selling something. Or trying to force them into something. The great commission thing was too much too.
Yesterday we had the last message and at the end the speaker asked if we would like to commit to sharing Christ with the people around us. And if we wanted to, after praying we would stand and she would pray for all those that stood up. I was sitting down hugging my legs to my chest and I wasn't even really praying. It was a weird struggle and after a bit I was like, okay I'm not going to stand. Not when I can't even commit to a relationship with God. But it felt so weird I was sitting in front and I was sure everyone would see me sitting down and I was burying my head in my knees and i was all tearing and soon I was crying noiselessly.
Too. Much. Also after that I had to endure concerned are you okays from the two girls sitting next to me. Which made me want to cry again, basically. Then prayer and praise I felt weird initially cos everyone was jumping and dancing but later I was okay with it. I figured, if kids and jump and dance when they worship, why can't grown people? We're supposed to be child-like in our faith anyway so having this much enthusiasm for worship wasn't a bad thing, just that I wasn't used to it. But I seriously didn't feel much like praying. I did, but it was generic, and I don't know, there weren't sincere much. Hopefully God sees the sincerity of all the others and disregards my weirdness. And my prayers won't be for show.
I dunno this camp was a distraction, yeah, but I still don't know. My attitude and mindset has been like this for so long that I have practically no faith in it changing. Which is wrong. It's like I'm belittling God and I feel like I can choose not do but I'm not.
Something is pretty wrong.
Oh and everyone was so spritually and stuff it felt weird. There was a non-christian at camp and she left on the third day. Overwhelmed. I understand how she feels.