Work has been consuming my life. And now there's all these work politics coming up. Who can you joke around and steal samples and eat them with the chocolate/other toppings with, and who you should watch out for?
"Be careful around ..., there's been rumors that she makes up stories etc"
"Just be conscious around ..., there's been times that she's reported back to boss etc"
And the complaints about the bosses. They might pay late, when they talk to you just beware because they might have a motive for it, although they are nice people they aren't very nice bosses
I didn't sign up for this. But work is work, I guess. Human relationships in a work environment inevitably involve politics.
And the damn contract. I don't want to breach it and quit, but I wish I didn't have to work so much. And the possibility that they might sue, is that just a threat? I can't even remember under what circumstances that they can sue me if I break which clause of the contract.
I'm just a part-time employee.
Results back and I feel so mediocre. Straight Bs.
Obviously every time I get my results I feel unhappy about it. I know I could've done better, but such is my nature that I forget my disappointment the next term/semester starts and I slack off and get average scores. As usual.
I want to be great. It's not going to happen though.
Just hearing Nicole and Kez talking about going to Universities is making me question my ability. And obviously if I voiced out my concern to anyone they'd go for the reassuring tactic in Comforting Your Friends 101 and say that I'd be able to do it
but honestly who am I that I'd get the chance to be awarded with an overseas scholarship and have the opportunity to study abroad. It's not that I don't want to study in a local University, but even then it'd be expensive and I don't know, is it even possible to get a scholarship.
And then it hits me that i know next to nothing about studying in a University. Well okay I have another year to go before it becomes paramount that I know this information, but the future still scares me.
One last issue. This mediocrity extends to my Christian walk and my service to God. Is there even such a thing as a mediocre Christian? Is it okay to be mediocre for God? Of course not.
But I'm just floating around, serving God with a half-heartedness that scares me. And if you bother to read my posts in the past you'd know that that I haven't taken any action to rectify this situation.
No reading my Bible, no prayer, no nothing.
Is it possible that I'm not really a Christian?
Because, you know, it completely seems plausible to me that if I were to die right now, I would have no face to meet Jesus.
I'm so tired of this recurring problem
Maybe I give up too easily.
I want to impact people, more specifically the Sec ones I'm supposed to be being a responsible cell leader to, supposed to be being a role-model for them to look up to, supposed to be the person to inspire them and lead them to a fulfilling life with Christ (this sentence is so wrong but I can't be bothered to restructure the sentence to heck it)
And also I've been a super slack-off Programme IC for the crusade camp.
Why the frack did I agree to this
I can't even do a good job
And work? It's taking away the time I could be using to be a better programme IC/teenSG leader/person in general
I don't like myself much when I start joining in the complaints about you guys, bosses. But I do and there's a reason for it.
I wish you two weren't so stubborn and cleaned up your act a little. A lot.
I should be sleeping okay. Word vomit over bye.