I've been very tired.
The weird thing is I've had this kind of sleep habits before and etc and kinda similar workload but I'm still exhausted.
And there's this insurmountable amount of stress that's been making me kinda nuts the past few days.
I guess I could blame it on hormones but idk, I never had pms this bad ever.
Today I wasn't paying much attention in the first lecture, fighting to stay awake during the second lecture, and during IT tutorial I slept for almost half the class. Which is an hour.
I haven't slept like that in class for so long.
One of the conclusions I've come to is that I probably need to drop one of the things I'm doing.
Don't forget, I still have to teach KSS again in July. I don't think I can cope.
I don't know if what I need is more faith and more prayer, or I just need to stop doing one of the things I'm doing.
But even if I decide to give something up, how do I choose what to give up?
All I know is that these few days, the kinda sparse reading I've been doing just barely helps me in getting over the day and preparing myself the next. I get upset and overwhelmed with emotion at the slightest things that happen.
And I go so stressed on Sunday that I cried my eyeballs out and ended up with stupid puffy eyes. Which I managed to reduce a little before attachment, but my friend and my mentor said I looked emo/tired.
The IT tutor, after I woke up and was going to start following the next part of her lesson, asked me if I was okay and if I was very tired. She's so nice I'm so thankful ;_;
I can't help but wonder if Satan's trying to attack me emotionally. BLAH. GO AWAY.
I suppose I need to believe, and trust, and hope that when this is over, I can look back and see how much I can go through and how much I can grow.
Anyway the poly kids who follow me on twitter(where most of the "emo" stuff is) didn't ask me about it. IDK whether to be grateful for that cos I might have wanted to cry if they asked me, but there's always that slight gnawing thought about them not really wanting to know.
Ah whatever. No school tomorrow cos of HMS graduation day. Gonna tutor the cousin and meet Mel for dinner. And hopefully wake up early, have macs/kfc breakfast, and do some work. Gotta do some work.
If you told me I'd be like this last year I wouldnt have believed you.