i'm so tired. yeah. tired of so many things. tired of O levels. tired of people. tired of tuition. tired of homework. tired.
have been feeling pretty much like crap the past few days. keziah and chingmay can probably attest to this. almost cried in school today, in fact. yeah. sucks much. then the english compo test rolled around and it's surprising i wrote so fast. surprising how much it felt like therapy, writing about an insignificant class outing where the outcome was surprising. i thought i might break down during the test.
maybe it's pms, perhaps it was. just got my period yeah i let you know, i know. but then i wasn't pissed off or anything, i was just quiet, and sad.
i don't know what's wrong with me. something happened though, yesterday, which made me laugh. didn't expect it, but it felt nice. wish i had someone to make me laugh. like, not when i'm laughing over a joke, or laughing over something, but laughing because... because i feel happy. or maybe embarrassed, i don't know, really but it really did feel nice to laugh over something that probably didn't matter.
what is up with me these days? i feel like giving up.
feel like giving up higher chinese, feel like dropping add math. my tuition teacher don't want me to.
but i don't want add math anymore.
why? wish i could tell someone everything, but that's so difficult.
do i seem strong to others? because i feel weak.
ugh. enough about me. something that bugs me a lot recently is people. why the sudden school politics. why the drama, when we're supposed to focus on other things. why make a mountain out of a molehill. why break other down to build yourself up, why treat others like dirt when you're really, the same as the rest of us.
i seriously can't understand you people.
i'm tired of you guys and i don't want to stay around this warped kind of mentality. do you know it's you? i sure hope so. i want to s-p-e-l-l it out in front of your faces. i'm trying hard not to.
i've gone astray and i need my shepherd to get me. God, i need you. i'm so sorry. sheep get lost all the time, that's my nature. but i'll try harder next time. i'll be stronger. i can be, with Your guidance. lead me out of this.
my posts are so strange. have a nice day. God bless you.
Friday, February 06, 2009slipping sliding falling drowning dying.