anyway regarding yesterday's outburst, i'm okay now.

apparently grandma has a sore on her back? no idea cos mum didn't tell me anything, heard from her phone conversation (with auntie nancy, i think)

she'll probably stay for a week and another specialist's coming in to see her tomorrow.

---

today morning i was just sad again because i thought of the time when i was still in primary school and a cousin's daughter was getting married. (i'm like the third youngest of all the cousins and my eldest aunt is old enough to be my grandmother so yeah.)

how weird is that huh. my niece was getting married. and i hadn't even hit puberty yet.

okay anyway i was feeling completely out of place cos i didn't know any of them except my aunt and my mum/dad/bro duh(shows you ow close we are huh) but the bride came out and talked briefly to my grandmother and i had the impression that they knew each other quite intimately.

guess i was wrong or something?

has anyone told them?

there were kids playing in a room together and i felt so left out, like i would never fit in into this family.

but that family apparently does not exist.

i think it never did.

i don't know why i feel like this because they don't visit her even on chinese new year. not all of the grand kids come. none of the great grand kids come.

so the wedding was just like. they had to invite cos of obligation?

i don't know i'm so confused. maybe that's a bad thing about having such a huge family. you don't know more than half of them

it's so weird.

i have people telling me stuff they do with their cousins and they seem so close but i feel like i don't fit in even with my mum's side's cousins. let's not even talk about dad's side cos i don't know some of them even. like i literally don't know. when my cousin got married in 09 and this cousin came and i was like wow my 2nd aunt had an older son?

i didn't even know that.

with my mum's side i'm pretty okay with them but sometimes they're so annoying, so spoilt, and i can't imagine having fun with them. we have like nothing in common. ('cept that we share a set of grandparents)

blah.

family's so important but gosh. i don't even get along well with my cousins. my aunties are better to talk to haha, maybe i'm just an auntie inside too, although sometimes they get a bit annoying

like one of my aunties said for two weeks in a row that i couldn't expect to earn much money when i became a early childhood educator. i was kinda pissed when she said it the second time cos i already said i didn't mind not earning a lot of money.

---

and what is it with people telling me i can't earn money as a kindergarten teacher? or being in this kind of profession? why is everyone thinking of money?

please stop telling me that because i already know and i wouldn't have chosen this if i cared, y'know?

---

better to let it all out now, i probably won't whine so much already haha

Beauty lies in human motion. Beauty's outer limit is explored by dancers, whose grace comes from a smooth mastery of interlocking movements. Such movements have become second nature to dancers after years of study, practice, and performance. The memories stored in their very muscles allow them to execute extremely intricate sequences of choreography with doubting their body.

I am a dancer.

When I was in sec 2 i took sentences about dancers from various websites and strung them together(see above).

I like it, that's why it's posted here.

today...

pretty okay, pepper lunch for lunch (HAHA) with courage six people. it's complicated at engwah after lunch.

claudia's house! the four of us. tiramisu plus sparkling juice kinda to celebrate the fact that we all got into our first choice. fries + camwhoring at macs and cuttlefish porridge at home

sorry it's so horribly boring but i really dont have the mood to blog properly. thought i should document it first?

---

grandma's in the hospital, and i dont believe the doctor. my mum said that the doc said that my grandmother was yelling and scolding ccb cos she got constipation

bullshit.

where got people constipation until will shout the whole night and hit the maid? and try to hit us too when she's in a bad mood? who will scold ccb because of constipation? why would she ask where her children are? or say that her children arent around and dont know anything (that's happened to her)?

stupid.

can't believe this stupidity. doctors should know better right? now they're taking her off all medication and then see what happens. i say bullshit because if she makes a whole damn lot of noise in the hospital they have to sedate her right?

which means their little experiment wont work.

just give the referral letter so we can try and find a good home for her please.

and if you happen to think we're being cruel by wanting to send her to a home, think again. because it's really difficult to live with her and take care of her. she keeps hitting the maid whenever the maid moves her, and when she starts shouting she wont stop until she wants to. or too tired to continue? we dont know why she's yelling. i thought the doctor could provide insight into the matter

but no. it's constipation.

use common sense also know that even of she has constipation it's not the only factor contributing to the problem right?!

angry. angry because her children wont take up responsibility and be more involved in taking care of her and because the doctor gave this crappy reason for this.

dammit can't someone do something right for her. hasn't she suffered enough already?

"WE'RE GOING ON A ROAD TRIP!!!!"

man i miss thailand. i had a rather depressing (for me) conversation with my mum the other day.

*watching the mission trip video(srsly uncle rich videos EVRYTHING lol)
me: you wanna go with me this year?
mum: you mean you want to go again
me: yeah
mum: what for?
me: ...

what if she really doesnt allow me to go!!! D:
---

nostalgia aside, the esix chalet was super fun. i love yogurt. anything will do, really. just be frozen yogurt and i will love you. ate it two days in a row from this shop called fruzen yoguz(LOL). over there yuo pay by weight and they were having a promotion. for every $6 you spend in a cup you get a medium sized cup free! uchan likes stuffing her yogurt with toppings until it cant hold anymore. i just like my fruity pebbles lol. fruity pebbles apparently reminds quite a few people about the flintstones.

the bbq food was lovely, thanks to the guys haha. most of the girls just slacked and ate the food hee. kelly was a crazy ball of energy. miss her nonsense! had this very funny truth or truth session where secrets were spilled~ ooohhh

ms eleri lin and deng da niang came! ms tan's wedding photos are super cute and ms lin has fantastic memory.

watched law abiding citizen with the guys + uchan after brekkie and i really dont like that genre of shows. action's fine but not when it involves a human hacking up another human. i took my towel out to keep warm during the show but i used it more to cover my face than to keep warm lol.

dont watch it!!!!!

i wanna watch it's complicated, who's with me? GO WITH ME PLEASE
---

shopping with mel and janice at 313 yesterday, we had ramen play for dinner, pretty darn good! had yami yogurt :3 the outlet at 313 is giving free toppings yay! fruity pebbles! haha mel had reg peach i had medium natural. yumz.

went mad at f21.

my loot:
cardigan from new look, $29.90
tube dress from f21's heritage 1981, $35
brown tee, f21, $9
white denim pants, $23
charcoal butterfly-ish top, $23

I THINK THEY'RE ALL REASONABLY PRICED OKAY! just that when you add up everything, i spent a lot. hee.

you shall see the loot when i actually wear them out (CNY HERE I COME!)

and i still have the kimono sleeve dress i bought from thailand WHEEEEE

am happy girl. i do hope i have enough to last me a while at poly. worried i'll meet snobs and all that.

---

i need money to buy a beloved pair of dr.martens for meeeeeeeeee. hopefully i get to work soon. soon! and pay for part of my soon to be macbook pro. in my dreams, ):
dont think the parents wanna spend that kind of money. unless i earn 2k? then i can pay HALF and they cant find excuses no more.

but there aint such a good deal out there is there? hmm i think i need a skirt.

---

i think i need to change shampoo! my hair gets so oily at the end of the day it's unbearable.

---

new shoes! now i have 2 flats and a pair of heels. all i need now is DR.MARTENS!!!!!

*drools*

hmm blogger looks weird again

been pretty busy, went to BC kindergarten to help from wed to fri.
SAJC open house with li wei on wed, walking from potong pasir to sa is annoying. then, the top up machine at potong pasir ate my 5 bucks and i dunno if i'll ever see my money ever again.

thurs, wasting time at the indoor stadium while chingmay queued for get in front for the green day concert, i sat there until my back couldn't take it anymore and we waited like 4 hours for lunch to come.

fri dinner at uncle Daniel/auntie Su Ran/the korean kiddos house, the food was awesome and i'm going to miss seo young and ye young so much!!!

sat shopping at haji lane with ky/chingmay and mel, stupidly bought this dress which makes me look like a china slut = = but at least i got earrings and a ring, and another ring for 1 buck only :D then youth prayer fellowship, mission trip debrief the food was nice and it made me want to go back to thailang again, ): good to see everyone and see the mime video too!

sun church, lunch with cherzy, the to be 17 year olds and samson and ralph, i love astons <3 the yoghurt was nice too!

courage six chalet to mon, funny stuff. i waited 2 hours for our always indecisive group cos they couldn't decide where to eat and they couldn't find me either because my phone died. it was fun though! first chalet i really didn't sleep at. can't wait for the next chalet :)

and lazing at home today. good to sleep but now i feel so bored.

hello results they are not bad

i dunno it's just that i don't like the number.

but i'm very happy with all my grades, except for higher chinese.(i really feel very bad for getting a C6 when my tutor was expecting a B ):)

but the number is a really ugly number!

omg so superficial.

anyway i'd just like to say that IT WAS A MIRACLE i got that score because

1. my compo wasn't fantastic
2. i didn't study globalisation
3. i didn't do a sbq question for hist
4. don't think i answered the bio questions very well
5. amath used to be F9/E8

anyway i dunno i dont think i really did awesome during the papers. God's awesome.


hmm i suppose the ugly number isn't a big deal. using L1R4 anyway 8D

ngee ann early childhood! now i need to fill up 11 more slots = = okay maybe less.

CONGRATS TO MY AWESOME FRIENDS THAT SCORED AWESOMELY WELL
and to those that didn't reach your intended target... don't lose hope. i'll be here for you!

actually i realised i didn't exactly hit my target either. it was 10 then i upped it to 11. hmm oh well. my score's good enough for me so yepppppppppppppppppppppppp

i want a job wanna buy MRAZ albums and doc martens. and anberlin and patd albums. maybe i should join sibyl now.

i think i may have passed my terrible cough to my grandmother and am currently feeling horrible about it

):

i suppose i shall forgo the mandatory gratitude post. and other things.

am way too tired for that.

hmm sec one orientation camp and thanksgiving dinner

super draining but fun and fruitful 8D

results tomorrow and i really wish people would stop going "heyyy tomorrow eh? good luck!"

why is it such a big deal?

hmm the mandatory gratitude post...

shall be done tomorrow. i think.

about the mission trip...

i'm really glad i got to spend this time with the youths during the trip and the kids there as well, even though we didn't really spend a lot of time with them as we could have. and i really want to go again *crosses fingers* okay no wait i should pray tsk.

and about the bathing there... it's not as bad as i expected! there's even water heaters in our toilet(2 rooms share a toilet, so we shared with the guys) although our toilet was really small and the squatting toilet was also really small. it was just a hole. so we bathed at uncle kelvin/auntie mat/uncle jimmy's toilet which was bigger yay :D

man i miss the kids.

okay i should sleep.

meh i started the first post of the new year with a rant, and a huge one at that.

oh well.

resolutions:

1.keep my temper in check.
2.quiet time daily.
3.save money.
4.spend more time with grandma before she (crudely put) dies. (which she will, eventually)

oh and i learnt a new word today from claudia and shall use it now.

i am spoony!

HAHAHAH

pretty good to be back.

happy new year, everyone! i hope you had a fun time counting down, etc etc

darn i miss the akha kids ):

somehow eveything feels kinda dull now. there's no passion. or at least that's in my opinion? hopefully mum/dad have the money to let me go this year!

oh and i just found out dad's coming back for a month. no, less than a month. back on the 2nd/3rd of feb and leaving on the 28th. sucks. don't understand why they want him to go back so fast. HE HAS A FAMILY HERE DAMMIT. HIS MOTHER IS WAITING FOR HIM TO COME BACK YOU HEARTLESS CRUEL PEOPLE.

okay. end of rant.

anyway another rant coming up. during the youth camp i called the maid to check up on her and she told me my cousin scolded her. i didn't really understand why though. and i just found out that she scolded the maid because the doctor said my grandmother didn't get enough food.

LIKE WTH? please get your facts straight first before accusing anyone of not giving our grandmother food can?! i don't know what happened to my grandmother, i didn't get the chance to ask the doctor, but still, how can you scold the maid? besides we're always telling her not to give grandma too much food cos she's old and old people don't really need that much food.

i was so pissed off becuase she doesn't have a clue as to what it's like to be taking care of my grandma. i mean even i don't know what it's like. it's so tough on the maid now, to be taking care of someone that can't stand, can't walk, and when you try and move her to get her to sit/on the wheelchair/anything else she screams and tries to hit you? and you scold her? what if she decides to quit? where are you going to find a maid that loves grandma so much?

okay i probably don't make much sense here but i'm still really mad at her. if you think it's so simple try taking care of her then. you won't last a day. or make that 5 hours. pfft. anyway it's not like i see her visiting grandma now.

and i'm so pissed at my other aunts who don't come and visit grandma like hello is it that difficult to just take a bus down to see your poor mother? shame on you. only my biggest aunt comes and she stays in chua chu kang like hello the rest of you stay nearby like hougang = =

my youngest aunt comes too but not as frequently. and she makes all these annoying comments and made my mother almost feel bad for going to canada when grandma was still in the hospital.

i think my mum's a fabulous daughter-in-law okay. none of the kids took their mother down to see the doc even when they could just simply cab down. why do you have to wait for your husband to come home? then should my mum wait for dad to come home form rwanda. wahlao. mum also sent grandma to the hospital. she didn't even eat dinner.

suddenly i can't stand them. it's so annoying!!!

AND WHERE ARE THE GRANDCHILDREN?! my grandma has great grandchildren but only her oldest daughter and son come and visit her more regularly when the maid has her off days.

omg man seriously.

okay okay okay okay. cool down.

my grandmother's starting to talk now so i think i better get off the comp before she starts making too much noise, because then none of us would get any sleep tonight.

hmm on a slightly better note my uncle says my grandma's waiting for my dad to come back and see her. my mum also asked her multiple times if she was waiting her him to come back and her answer was always a smile and a nod. today i asked her myself and she nodded and went "mmm".

so i suppose it's true? i hate seeing her suffer like this. it's worse than before. is it bad for me to want her to go to heaven asap? sometimes i think it is and sometimes i think it's not.

):

oh well. bye.