I realised that a random person who can actually read all of my lengthy posts might think that my church is some horrible place and wondering what on earth I'm thinking, staying there.

But it's very human of me to focus on the negative issues and actually we're not all that bad, it's just that I think the main problem leading to the rest of the problems is a lack of passion as a church to do God's work.

I, like quite a lot of other people, like the homey feeling we get when we attend church, where almost everyone knows everyone else. It's definitely a nice feeling, but I think we're getting too comfortable. There aren't like obvious visible attacks on the church because we're not growing and I guess Satan isn't bothered about us anymore. So he let's us be, and we feel like nothing's wrong when we should notice that there is something wrong when everything gets too smooth sailing and comfortable.

---

Yesterday I was thinking in the shower and thinking about how a few people have told me that they feel like I'm blessed because I'm a second-generation christian, because I possess more Bible knowledge and in some cases I don't have parents objecting to me coming to church and serving. I'd try to tell them that their views aren't very accurate and tell them that being first-gen christians, they chose for themselves to believe in God and Jesus, while people like me sometimes just follow our parents and it's very possible that some of us never fully realise what being a christian is really about.

I think God put us in our various positions for a reason. I doubt that I would accept God if I were born in non-christian family. I'd either be agnostic or atheist, I expect. If I believed in the existence of a higher being I wouldn't believe that we could relate to him and actually have fellowship with him.

First-gen christians maybe are first-gen cos they were meant to minister and evangelise to their families. Maybe they could be used as powerful testimonies to many other people. Or maybe for many other reasons.

I suppose all I want to say is, don't resent your situation. We're all very blessed as it is to have a God that is wiling to reach out to us when we aren't willing to even accept Him. That he would actually send His only Son to us to teach us what it really means to be a believer and follower of Christ and to ultimately take the rap for all our wrongdoings.

If we think too much (maybe also because the devil put the negative thoughts in our minds or maybe it's just us thinking too much) it doesn't do anything for you at all. Think instead what God has done for you in your life and I think the evidence of His love can be overwhelming.

Which brings me to another thing, the topic about some people being blessed more than others. What we really need to ask ourselves are a few questions when we feel that other people are more blessed than us.

1. Did we ask God to bless us?
2. What are our motivations for asking for the blessings?
3. If you did ask God and your motives were pure and scriptural, what about your fellowship with God prior to the prayer?

Psalm 66:18
If I had cherished sin in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened;

You can't really ask God to keep giving you things when you hold other things more dear. God isn't some sort of ATM. Sure, He loves to give and can't wait to bless us, but imagine people constantly asking you for stuff then not caring about you at all after they've gotten the thing? Why should God give us stuff when we only approach Him when we need/want things?

But when we're right with God and we ask Him for things He loves to answer. Sometimes He gives stuff even better than what we asked for! Whee~

(The part-time maid is here and looking at her attempting to wipe my insanely messy table is so painful to watch. I PROMISE TO CLEAN MY TABLE TOMORROW)

---

Anyway I should stop grumbling about church matters and focus on changing myself first. And humble myself! Sian need to stop feeling superior to people I find stupid and judging them.

And also I'm worried about baptism. This is something guys don't have to worry about. This probably makes it really obvious already right LOL.

Okay I want to buy strawberry yoghurt wheeeeeee it tastes so good *u*

On the road to becoming more disciplined and motivated! Not easy but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! Phil 4:13

Okay end of this lengthy post. Next lengthy post will come soon! I think.