my new year resolutions.
1)do all my homework.
2)do quiet time regularly.
3)decrease my body fat percentage.
4)increase my muscle mass
and...i guess thats all. ;D
my mum came into my room just now. when i just woke from my short nap.
her eyes went to the poster on the wall.
"my wall for you to paste one ah."
"aiyah...wont come out one lah."
i meant that the paint wouldnt peel off. but i wonder if she heard cos i was still half asleep.
lol. i heart the click five poster on my wall. <3
okay just so i wont forget.
i'll post my dreams here. of the click five, no less. haha
first time was in thailand, bangkok.
i dreamt of ethan.
i was sitting outside some auditorium thing with shannen, yiwei and joseph. dont ask me why the three of them. it was them. okay then empty was playing. so i sang along. and in my dream i could reach all the notes. haha. and i sang nicely. then the band came out. and ethan(bassist) looked at shannen yiwei joseph me.
he went "charsiew charsiew charsiew" at them. then he looked at me and said my name.
zomg. he knew my name. and i was like "huh? how you know my name"
he said he knew my name from facebook. =.=
okay then the chorus of empty came on. and i started singing again. and i actually lied on the floor in foetus position. and sang my heart out.
=.= then i woke up.
second time. yesterday.
i dreamt that i saw the band in some dilplated[sp?] backstage thing. they were going down the stairs. then i think they were all wearing think coats. and joey(drummer) was wearing a trench coat. underneath he was wearing a shirt. like when they were at zhonghua. and he was fat. yes, fat. fatter than in real life.
and someone said joey you're fat. and some people were no he has muscles. i just looked at him and he was fat.
and i woke up. i dont remember much about this dream.
i havent dreamt of kyle, ben or joe yet.
im sad. cos i havent dreamt of kyle.
i just put my tc5 poster up!
its on my wall now.
lol quite happy i got a poster.
wahlim is back! she needs to go buy teenage for the poster haha.
err. nothing else. byebye.
this is the fast forwarded version oh happy birthday.
super funny with ben saying wo ai ni men at the end.
okay. so i know today is the last day of the year. but i dont feel anything.
okay except maybe that impending doomi always get when i know i have to do homework and i dont and i wonder what the teacher will say.
i hate 800 words du hou gan.
watch this. starring ben romans and gia farrell. and a little kyle patrick at the end. (:
nothing to do with the click five except they are in it.
the happy birthday video. it kinda sucks. no theme, no concept, whatever.
but there is a little treat for you at the end.
ben says wo ai ni men. (:
so watch it! :D
BEN CAME INTO THE CLICK FIVE CHAT
AND I WAS THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IMMA POST EVERYTHING.
so. first. there are two chat rooms on the click five message boards. the click five chat and chatgasm. you can be in both at the same time.
there are a bunch of boardies in there, they're called scene queens. bunch of bitches, basically.
racists too. but they always claim they're just joking. -.-
okay. cassie is from theonelove.org and kinda works with the boys. she knows ben!
usually we all go to chatgasm. the scene queens(SQs) have been asking us to GTFO of chatgasm cos apparently chatgasm was made for them. which i highly doubt. we have been fighting for the past few days.
today casssie comes in, and kait (the most famous of the sc3n3 qu33ns) acted all nice. suck up. kait doesnt yell at us cos cassie's there. she left for a while and we chatted with cassie. she said we were nice and positive! :D
but kait comes back (-.-) and she starts talking about how tc5 should have tried harder in america, how they never do enough shows, and how they should have changed their name, image and everything when they changed the lead singer. cassie obviously defends them. but kait keeps harping on the issue and cassie gets pissed.
and everyone's discussing and somehow it turns into a group therapy session. everyone (mostly the SQs) say the reason why we've been fighting and what not. and it remains quite civilized cos cassie's still in the chat muahaha.
so one of us asks her to come over to tc5 chat where we are avoiding another fight.
and we chat happy things. and cassie says we're really nice, and she was going to give us a treat. we all say thank you but im like. what treat could she possibly give us lol.
okay then ben comes in and we are all like.
OMG ITS BEN.
lol. we know its not a poser cos he has ***rockstar*** as his karma title(its a message board thing) and he has the moderator head colour. (we have green heads and moderators have orange. beside our names in the column where the visitors names are.
and ben is like, really nice.
back in chatgasm, the SQs are talking to themselves basically. save for the few that dont mind missing out on ben.
ben goes "holler!"
haha. he's really nice. he wants a bunny with a fanny pack for his birthday. we have no idea what that is. and someone asks him where he got striped shirt on "miracle on bedford ave" (a short musical thinghe acts in. check the video out on youtube.)
okay so he says singapore. and i'm like.
and he was
AHHH SO COOL.
haha. and i asked him who he preferred, xXanderx or old greg.(watch youtube for xXanderx)[i cant really explain old greg. lol.]
and he was like.
old greg scares me man.
but i think he's funny.
lol. and there was a whole load of other stuff. random lol.
really cool. and i'll edit this when i remember more stuff (:
okay you know what.
i just realised like, kyle's hands must be huge, right?
and then my hands are...pretty small. okay very small la.
like liwei's hand only slightly smaller than mine.
imagine my hand in kyle's.
engulfed i tell you.
i tell you when i meet tc5 i'll take a picture of my hand and kyle's hand. like doing the comparing thing. lol. at least wahlim's hand is big/long.
lol. maybe he likes small hands. okay eliada stop.
well, because eugene likes it. (okay that was just an excuse.)
im putting the headlight disco video here! XD
kyle talks at the end. <3
he wants us to jump as high as we can jump for the last chorus. so cute.
oh and nice treat at the end. live jam. so cool. XD
MCR scares me.
whats the point of being sexy(chingmay's words, not mine) when you've got weird makeup on your face. :/
okay lets not be judgmental.
All together now
Teenagers scare the living shit outta me
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me
okay so i know this is jenny but just watch how the live the dream contestants screw
the song in front of the band. so humiliating. tsk.
but then again i could always wear heels.
my highest pair of heels=7.5 cm
dang. if i grow 5 cm (which is hardly possible)
i tell you there's no way i can appear to look like im a decent height if kyle's standing next to me.
this is purely for my viewing pleasure (:
and wahlim's. :D
"This is kind of Ben, Ben Romans. When the X and Y chromosomes mess with the A and B chromosomes, uh, they form babies and I feel that girls want to falsely inseminate me, so I considerate it to be a sign of musical behavior in my body. Uh, my hair is sitting on top, so I think I'll go to a party and drink one drink and then drink Diet Coke for the rest of the night. Zehr!" -Kyle
Interviewer: "So, the last time you were here, you were with your former lead singer, Eric. What can you tell us about his departure?"
Joey: "He died."
Interviewer: "He died?"
Ben: "He uh, disintegrated into thin air and there was a green cloud of smoke. We saw it as a sign, and we're like 'Well man, it's time to move on, do something different' and uh, we all had a kid, his name's Kyle and he grew up fast on rock and roll vitamins."
Interviewer: "You all got together and had a little baby named Kyle and he turned out to be your lead singer and you know, cause he was your kid, he was able to sing?"
Kyle: "Yeah, yeah."
Interviewer: "Just as talented as you guys?"
Kyle: "It's crazy, man. *looks at the rest* Thanks, Dads."
so cute right. (:
hi im back. heh im not going to talk much about thailand trip. lazy heh.
i bought quite a few things. yay.
err im working on the FF. wahlim's writing hers too. yay. heheh
ok i dunno what to blog. so bye.
im going to thailand tomorrow.
coming back on tuesday. i'll buy stuff for people whom i want to buy gifts for XD
it should take my mind off things.
crap. that entire post was STILL about me.
my whole life. has been. about me.
i am a pampered, bossy, tyrant. a xiao ba wang.
wth. stupid bipolar. i was in the shower, scolding myself to no end.
maybe i really got bipolar.
hey. you're right.
i always hold grudges. i dont let go of things easily. maybe thats my weak point that satan uses against me.
i've only just gotton over my ballet teacher calling me all those stupid nicknames.
i havent forgiven adriel for the idiot things he's done to insult me.(dont know him? ignore. XD)
just wanted to say i never thought of as an idiot talking about yourself. i know why you talked about what God had done, and your experiences. maybe i was jealous.
i've never felt spiritually full for such a long time now. just drained. its my own fault, but i always had to pretend i was a good christian, a good girl. the stigma of growing up in church. i've always envied those who came to know Him through whatever. those not born in a christian family who became christians. they dont have this mould to fill. they serve The Lord because they want to, because of their faith. not because they know its what they should do. first generation christians normally act out of faith. me? i follow my brain.
but i guess if i wasnt born into a christian family i would be a lot worse off. i NEED God in my life. if not maybe i'd have killed myself 10 times already. maybe i'd be a lian.
i said those things to get it off my chest, cos i didnt want to keep it in anymore. i didnt want to hold that stupid, meaningless grudge anymore. im so sorry im can be such a bitch.
what a nice life life of mine. of pretence and lies.
today, i had my first suicidal thought in 12 months. 1 year.
i can't imagine... how i'll survive without happy, united, esix. i think they've kept me from all that bipolar crap. and today its starting again. i'm really wondering if what im experiencing is teen angst or really bipolarism. i pray i'll never do anything to myself.
ahh. whats wrong with me. okay ignore this, cos i'll never take my life or harm myself. my life aint mine to take, you know. its for The Lord to decide if he wants me to join him up above. dont worry, i'm fine now.
my eyes are so puffy.
oh no. another rant! XD
sometimes i hate her. but i used to look up to her so much. sometimes i wish i didnt know her. but i wouldnt be who i am now. i wish... she hadnt made me fashion consious. (not that i wasnt, but the things i thought were nice when i was younger suddenly didnt appeal to me anymore.)
like, she brought me into this world of material things.
and i can't be contented with what i have now.
i'm not like her. if she uses $50 in one shopping trip its considered little. and she goes shopping ALOT. she buys things that she knows she'll never wear. she's rich. i'm not.
and now i keep wanting to have things that i dont really need. what with the clothes and shoes and necklaces and earrings and bracelets and rings.
i know i would be like that sooner or later, but i wish it had been later.
i dont think she'll read this. yay.
sorry, another rant.
and you. everytime i talk to you i feel like i have to pretend. that i'm this really good christian and i do my quiet time everyday and i have a very close walk with God. but i dont.
and you keep telling me these things that make me feel inferior. like i know i should know better than to skip QT and not pray and what not. you dont know, but you telling me all these things are very stifling.
you think that God favors you, and stuff like that, i know sometimes God chooses people to do his works through them, but you havent done anything yet. and to tell the truth, it makes me feel like you're boasting, though i know you dont mean it that way.
everytime i say something you always manage to link it back to yourself. i feel like whatever you talk about, its always about yourself. even when you try and encourage me. its always about YOU.
we're not all that close. you thought you knew me, but you didnt. i hated you calling me your grandchild. i know you meant for you to be older, but it made me feel like you were treating me like a little kid. and you did treat me like a little kid, even if you didnt know it.
when you liked her, and when those series of events happened, i was there for you. i gave my time, effort and money for the pair of you.
but when i had news to share, you were still wallowing in self pity and thinking her mum thought of you as a cheater and blah blah blah. she had been coping with things so well, while you, supposed to be a pillar of support, crumbled instead.
you were never really there for me. you just kept telling me to study hard. not that that was wrong. dont get me wrong. nothing you sid really impacted me, until God spoke to me through you. to tell me to encourage me to continue with HCL.
you probably want to know why i ignored you. or still am. i dont want a repeat of what has happened. i know i'll feel stifled again and whatever you or i try to do wont work. its just they way we are. we dont click.
there i've said what i've wanted to say. i know its obvious, but whatever.
turn on/off thingy.
Blonde hair: on.
so i'm gonna lay it down,
i'm gonna learn to trust you now
what else can i do,
everything i am depends on you
and if the sun don't come back up
i now your love will be enough
i'm gonna let it be
i'm gonna let it go
i'm gonna lay it down
you've got to watch this. its Jenny" fast forwarded. LOL
and li wei, watch "catch your wave if you cant stand jenny.
here it is
super funny i tell you
cool. haha oh have you seen the legendary boxers video?
the click five.
kyle in flowery boxers.
ben hiding behind the keyboard but pants are off.
ethan hiding behind guitar. its either really short boxers or something cos i cant see anything! (haha naked.)
and joe is... in brown shorts. 0_0
"the appeal was unsuccessful."
nah, they didnt call me.
they called my mum. i think it was tan seow lan.
i dont think those were her exact words, but more or less the same la.
and the reason?
cos my maths results werent good enough.
stupid, since everyone's taking A&E maths anyway. (accident and emergency maths?!?!)
wahlao eh stupid school.
can you tell im trying to sound like im more angry than upset?
i was thinking about esix.
anyway, im doing this compo for tuition. Looking back at the last year, what event or experience do you remember most clarly, and why?
the first thing i thought was something to do with esix. i didnt think of the click five until 1 mins before i started to type this post. this proves that esix holds a much higher place in my heart than the click five. okay li wei? haha XD
and we had this topic given last tuesday.
i love esix.
OMG i just realised i havent cried at all man. tsk eliada. but i do feel very suan inside me. ):
HAHA hi people
chatgasm is so drama.
err. the click five have like, a movie. called 'taking five' and i hope it comes to singapore. pretty please?
anyway. the ywca party was fun, haha. enchanted was super nice. err. i dunno what to type.
so i'll just say goodnight! xD