RESULTS ARE BETTER THAN EXPECTED!

I can do 30-45min of reading Christian books and the Bible and stuff and pray for one day, then not do any of that and pray very little for the next two days.

I realised that a random person who can actually read all of my lengthy posts might think that my church is some horrible place and wondering what on earth I'm thinking, staying there.

But it's very human of me to focus on the negative issues and actually we're not all that bad, it's just that I think the main problem leading to the rest of the problems is a lack of passion as a church to do God's work.

I, like quite a lot of other people, like the homey feeling we get when we attend church, where almost everyone knows everyone else. It's definitely a nice feeling, but I think we're getting too comfortable. There aren't like obvious visible attacks on the church because we're not growing and I guess Satan isn't bothered about us anymore. So he let's us be, and we feel like nothing's wrong when we should notice that there is something wrong when everything gets too smooth sailing and comfortable.

---

Yesterday I was thinking in the shower and thinking about how a few people have told me that they feel like I'm blessed because I'm a second-generation christian, because I possess more Bible knowledge and in some cases I don't have parents objecting to me coming to church and serving. I'd try to tell them that their views aren't very accurate and tell them that being first-gen christians, they chose for themselves to believe in God and Jesus, while people like me sometimes just follow our parents and it's very possible that some of us never fully realise what being a christian is really about.

I think God put us in our various positions for a reason. I doubt that I would accept God if I were born in non-christian family. I'd either be agnostic or atheist, I expect. If I believed in the existence of a higher being I wouldn't believe that we could relate to him and actually have fellowship with him.

First-gen christians maybe are first-gen cos they were meant to minister and evangelise to their families. Maybe they could be used as powerful testimonies to many other people. Or maybe for many other reasons.

I suppose all I want to say is, don't resent your situation. We're all very blessed as it is to have a God that is wiling to reach out to us when we aren't willing to even accept Him. That he would actually send His only Son to us to teach us what it really means to be a believer and follower of Christ and to ultimately take the rap for all our wrongdoings.

If we think too much (maybe also because the devil put the negative thoughts in our minds or maybe it's just us thinking too much) it doesn't do anything for you at all. Think instead what God has done for you in your life and I think the evidence of His love can be overwhelming.

Which brings me to another thing, the topic about some people being blessed more than others. What we really need to ask ourselves are a few questions when we feel that other people are more blessed than us.

1. Did we ask God to bless us?
2. What are our motivations for asking for the blessings?
3. If you did ask God and your motives were pure and scriptural, what about your fellowship with God prior to the prayer?

Psalm 66:18
If I had cherished sin in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened;

You can't really ask God to keep giving you things when you hold other things more dear. God isn't some sort of ATM. Sure, He loves to give and can't wait to bless us, but imagine people constantly asking you for stuff then not caring about you at all after they've gotten the thing? Why should God give us stuff when we only approach Him when we need/want things?

But when we're right with God and we ask Him for things He loves to answer. Sometimes He gives stuff even better than what we asked for! Whee~

(The part-time maid is here and looking at her attempting to wipe my insanely messy table is so painful to watch. I PROMISE TO CLEAN MY TABLE TOMORROW)

---

Anyway I should stop grumbling about church matters and focus on changing myself first. And humble myself! Sian need to stop feeling superior to people I find stupid and judging them.

And also I'm worried about baptism. This is something guys don't have to worry about. This probably makes it really obvious already right LOL.

Okay I want to buy strawberry yoghurt wheeeeeee it tastes so good *u*

On the road to becoming more disciplined and motivated! Not easy but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! Phil 4:13

Okay end of this lengthy post. Next lengthy post will come soon! I think.

Okay so I thought I should clarify why I'm getting baptised even though I have problems with the church etc and getting baptised means I'll be an official member of the church etc

Baptism is described as an outward expression of an inward experience. I believe that Jesus was sent to Earth to die for our sins, and that by believing in His name I am saved and have eternal life. Now I want to tell this to the world. (You're saved when you say the sinner's prayer and baptism is NOT salvation)

I know I've never not admitted that I was a Christian, so like personally my baptism will mean also that I am showing everyone that I am fully committed to Christ and that I am dead to self but alive in Christ.

Galations 2:20
I have been crucified through Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The body I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

This might be my baptism verse, even though when I was in lower sec I already chose another verse... See how la, it's not the most important thing anyway.

So the immersion of water symbolises me dying to self and when I come out it means I am now a new person. Not that I cannot be a new person without baptism, it's more of a symbolism and re-commitment for me.

Okay so about the membership thing. First of all, I'm already practically a member anyway. Second of all, I want to help change some things around here. Third, if I really want to leave the church, membership can be transferred.

The most important thing is that I am already a member of the body of Christ. Doesn't matter which local church I am a member of.

I think I summed it all up here!

I still feel quite nervous about getting baptised, but I know for sure I want to, and when the bulletin had the announcement that there was gonna be baptism classes, I felt very compelled to do it. I think God was nudging me telling me that it's time for me to get baptised.

Okay I think I might blog again about another topic heh.

Ugh my room is so messy. Gonna clean it tomorrow.

Okay that was not what I wanted to blog about.

Chingmay turned 18! The stayover was pretty awesome, seeing the effect the laughing gas has on people is quite amusing, even though I will probably never try it for myself, and watching Rachel self-destruct during the drinking game was exasperating.

I also probably need to get a swim suit soon.

Went to Ching's house first, supposed to meet at 12 at TPY Central but when I reached at 1230 she was still sleeping tsk. But she was at her class chalet earlier so still okay. Anyway it was her birthday she could do whatever she wanted. Got stuff for later then we went back to her house to nua a bit then we went to MBS. Met Rachel and went to find a cake but cannot find so asked John to buy. In the end Charlene bought hurhur.

FINALLY, after not eating food for the entire day (except I ate some corn snack thing Ching had on her table) we went to Coffee Bean to eat WHEE~

The bagel with cured salmon and cream cheese and salad was SO GOOD. I ate the salad with the salmon and spread the cream cheese on the bagel. SO GOOD. SO SO SO SO GOOD.

LOL anyway after that we went back bah blah people came blah blah taking photos etc etc (I'm lazy to type about this already oops)

Drinking game blah laughing gas blah

Another more siao drinking game blah

Sleep~

I HAD VERY LITTLE SPACE ON THE BED ):

Woke up many times through the morning cos I was pretty uncomfortable. And when alarms went off. Finally officially woke at 8 plus? or 9. Then we went up to the infinity pool~~~

I don't like wearing Ching's bikini which is why I need a swimsuit. Water was very cold so I didn't go in, went to the jacuzzi with C instead whee. At 10 plus the sun came out and the water was cool and not icy cold anymore. It was actually quite shiok but I had already dried off so I didn't want to go in heh. Just had my legs in the water while C tried to tan.

Check out then went to kbox. IKR we are nuts. The sorta usual grouping? Hi-5 minus Limmy plus me and Bing. IDK what is usual I anyhow one.

I very lazy to upload the video now but Li Wei they dedicated a song to you! I didnt sing I just videoed it.

THEN HOME. SLEEP. I slept a lot. I need to exercise sian.

---

First TeenSG yesterday. Before that was the church clean up in which I didn't do much. Oops.

I managed to piss Sol off and I felt like shit cos he didn't want me anywhere near him and I was thinking shit shit shit it's only the first session and I'm already capable of making the kids mad at me and thinking "I bet my dad never pissed them off before". I knew he would get over it eventually but man did it make me feel like crap.

Can't help but feel that like the devil was behind it, because I didn't really do anything. Bleh. Was telling myself not to feel discouraged and stuff. Then during the mini competition he and Raph kinda fought and he looked so upset. Then James brought him out and I was thinking shit what if he develops negative feelings toward teenSg and youth fellowship and doesn't want to come back?

But all was resolved by dinner time. I really thank God.

Then today I found out about the whole conflict between Sol/Shihui and Tommy. Okay basically about the class in general. I AM SO SCARED I feel like I'm not ready to handle this.

And my dad brought up the issue of quite a lot of the sec sch kids not attending service to Uncle Patrick since he's a deacon but hasn't got word back from him yet. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. The youths should know what is expected of them and what is not condoned and the leadership should be doing something about it especially since it's becoming so rampant.

What's going to happen to them after they complete sunday school? Some of them might just leave if by then they still don't have fellowship with God. Why is it that our youth are like this? I don't see them having the desire to know God (this is about the majority of the sec 1-4 kids) and wanting to bring their friends to Christ. I feel like they only come to church because their parents come and so they have no choice but to follow, or because they want to be with their friends.

If that's the case when they grow older they won't follow their parents to church anymore and they'll just meet their friends outside. Why come to church and listen to the nagging of the aunties?

):

Certainly seems like the church is not only stagnant, it's also shrinking. People are leaving, be it from the youths or the adults. And we're supposed to be growing. I don't get this at all.

When I worship sometimes I don't feel like the entire congregation is really worshipping. it also doesn't feel like we practice what we preach. Like the priesthood of all believers, for example. The church of God is a royal priesthood, but men aren't stepping up to teach in Junior Sunday School. How many times have speakers said that God looks at your availability, not your ability? yet no one is coming forward. (I specifically said men cos we need more male teachers in JSS, now there's only my dad left...)

We're doing some doctrinal book thing for baptism class and the books states that if there's only one man leading/speaking etc, it results in the congregation becoming professional sermon tasters. Listening to what the guy has to say but not checking if it's the truth for themselves or just taking picking applications that are agreeable to them etc.

I don't know about the checking with the truth, and I might be wrong about this, but I just have a feeling that a lot of us tailor the Christian faith to our own needs, to suit our lifestyle, which perverts the faith and makes us present a distorted view of what Christianity is to non-Christians.

Christian meant "Little Christ" in Greek. I don't think we emphasise on this enough. We're suppose to strive to embody who Christ was. I always hear things like "how can you -insert attribute/action here- more in your own little ways?" (I tell this to my young kiddos, but I think at this young age it's the only way they can understand)

It's like we're only doing it if we can, but if we can't, then too bad. Does anyone understand what I'm trying to say here? It's good that we try to be better, but now that I think of it, although it's subtle, this kind of questioning makes us slowly think that we can change at our own convenience and not because we were called to. My phrasing probably sucks but yeah.

Another thing is the church leadership avoiding controversial topics like the plague. I think that sometimes a little controversy is good. It makes people think. You don't want mindless drones just listening and accepting whatever the person at the pulpit says because they have the knowledge that the elders won't let them listen to any weird things. You want them to want to find out the truth for themselves and not just accept teachings without checking things through.

If you're not careful someone may start teaching false stuff and do it so subtly that you don't realise it and it could slowly corrupt the church and tear it apart.

OKAY I was thinking about shifting the whole church portion to my friends locked LJ but here's my disclaimer in case any church leader of something sees this.

DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS WRITTEN HERE ARE MY OWN OPINION AND MIGHT BE SKEWED OR BIASED. But also since a member of the church feels this way you should probably look into the matters I mentioned.

I think I am done here.

Argh so many emotions/feelings/thoughts.

I guess the only thing that matter is the attitude of your heart and your fellowship with God. It leads to everything else falling into place. But also Satan is around so maybe not always. Hmm.

I haven't blogged in ages!