what could possibly be wrong with me?

._.

gah. suppose the world really ends in 2012. if it were confirmed i'd just drop out of school or something. go do missions. or something more meaningful.

why the sudden thought?

i disappoint myself all too often.

can't comprehend my problem with homework. i mean, you just do the damn thing and be done with it.

i escape from what i have to do. either i do it good or i throw it aside. if i never attempt doing the work, i wouldn't do anything wrong. then again if i don't do it i'll never know what i truly understand.

which is possibly what makes this so tough. for me.

and what is with me these days? since when has that mattered?

my priorities are messed up.

apologies for the weird and randomly irrelevant post. as usual, it is nondescript, something that will pass away after a time.

i don't suppose God will let me skip O levels. this is something i believe i have to go through and conquer. may His strength carry me through, because i feel weak and inadequate.

i wish i made a bigger impact in other people's lives. but what can an insignificant being like me achieve anyway?

my grandmother is talking to herself. but she is smarter than you think. i will miss her when she goes. or perhaps if she lives for 3 more years and the world ends then we can go up together or something. i don't know.

i wish people were more aware. specifically, people of my generation. there are bigger things than ourselves, our families, our school, or even our countries. i don't think Singaporean kids care much, but that would make them selfish, not to mention ignorant.

there is more to life than the O levels, A levels, getting into university and getting your degree with honours. no, auto spell check, i use British English! it is not honors. it is honours, with a u.

back to my point. most of my peers never look past their own backyard. seriously, who cares how big your garden is? or if you live in a mansion or a humble hdb apartment? or if you get full marks or a test? no one cares when you die. when you die, people extol your virtues (oh, anna was such a kind and cheerful person...), not read a long list of your accomplishments.(Olvls?Alvls?PhD?)

does it really matter if i don't get into a junior college and into a university? will you remember these things when i die?

see, humans make such a big fuss out of small things.

humans such as our principal. scholars & leaders. is that all we are to be? zhonghua oh zhonghua. Responsibility.Integrity.Care.Excellence.(RICE) we can only embody these values. today ms TGH asked jasmine "do you have RICE?" in my mind, the ideal answer would have been to say "no. what do you want rice for? to steam? make dumplings?"

but she would have killed me.

the short amount of time in which they accept the new core values is disconcerting.

i miss LI YI LIAN CHI(or is it CI?) Courteous, Righteous, Edified, Dignified. (better than RICE.)

why is this post so lengthy?

why do i ask so many questions?

why am i not going off to bathe to get ready for math tuition?

ah, the complexities of life.

by the way, i hate math, although i am fully aware the word that has been used to describe my feeling for it is very strong. however in today's generation the meaning has in fact diluted.

oh, whatever. who will read this when i die anyway?

from yiwei!

1: Besides your lips , where is your favourite spot to get kissed?
i don't know! forehead? neck? hand? cheek? (haven't been kissed yet la. LOL)

2: How do you feel when you woke up this morning?
how come no one came to wake me up? isn't it 1pm already?(it was actually 11? bedlag hahaha)

3: Who was the last person you took a photo with?
no idea. been ages since my last photo. i suspect it might be the christmas one with yiwei/li wei/melanie

4: Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
i guess, in several aspects.

5: Would you ever donate blood?
yup! blood type AB+ is rare! must donate! XD

6: Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?
eh no leh. they're too scared of me haha.

7: Do you want someone dead?
no, idts

8:What does your last text message say?
"Yes what drink you want"

From Chingmay.

9:What are you thinking of right now?
my hair feels kinda greasy and i want to wash it again but it's already so late so i'll wash it when i wake up tomorrow. (i think it's cos im pespiring D:)

10: Do you wish someone was with you right now?
maybe.

11: What time did you go to sleep last night?
10.40+pm. YAY for earlier nights!

12: Where did you buy the T-shirt you are wearing now ?
cotton on! sale~ it was five bucks whoohoo.

13: Is someone on your mind right now?
maybe.

14: Who was the last person to text you?
chinmay la.

10 PEOPLE TAGGED TO DO THIS QUIZ :
1. Shannen
2. Chingmay
3. Claudia
4. Sibyl
5. Keziah
6. Ruihan
7. Tanya
8. Sabrina
9. Donna
10. Andrew

well those with blogs anyway

15: Who is 2 having a relationship with? (Chingmay)
Syafiq. she said it, i dont know lol.

16: Is 3 a male or a female? (Claudia)
female with boobs :D

17: If 7 and 10 get together will that be a good thing? (Tanya and Andrew)
IMPOSSIBLE. they dont know each other and would probably piss each other off to death haha.

18: What is Number 1 studying about? (Shannen)
No idea. chem? physics? math?

19: When was the last time you had a chat with them?
yesterday?

20: Is Number 4 single? (Sibyl)
I guess.

21: Say something about Number 2. (Chingmay)
She makes me spend money.

22: What do you think about Number 3 and 6 being together? (Claudia and Ruihan)
Don't think that will happen.

23: Describe Number 9. (Donna)
wittybitch~ walking to school from srgn mrt partner! awesome writer.

24: What will you do if Number 6 and 7 fight? (Ruihan and Tanya)
Uh... break up the fight, i guess. but i don't think they'll fight cos they don't really know each other?

25: Do you like Number 8? (Sabrina)
yeah if not i wouldn't tag her duh.

goodnight! cny cny cny cny! :D

my cousin loves to tease me, even though i only see him like once a year. annoying 23 year old!!!! D<

hello, all.

how was/is your day? boy, am i glad it's the weekend and that cny is in two days. today i slept until 12.45pm. i ate my lunch too fast, though. i was so hungry! i also had bird's nest in this little bottle! it was nice and sweet, but i don't really see why everyone pays so much for the bird's nest. or perhaps the one i had wasn't high quality or anything.

you know, reunion dinner was supposed to start 6 min ago. sad to say, only my first aunt is here. sigh, the modern standards of time, where dinner is supposed to start at 6, but everyone reaches half an hour or one hour late.

i saw live clams! my dad bought quite a lot and they were not dead! until he cooked them, duh. so cute i felt like keeping one for a pet haha.
but it'll die in the end anyway... so... ):

i feel like learning many many languages. so random!

anyway i have tuition later. fml.

more people are here now! it's livelier, how awesome! i hope my grandmother will be happy.

church tomorrow. i must focus on God and God alone! :D

see you people!

another post? i must be on a roll.

just read this story on fictionpress. so insightful, made me think. i regretted it just that little bit because i kind of wanted my brain to rest. now my brain is whirring, but then again, i don't exactly mind. the ending blew me away. time to expand my vocabulary and write more.

this post is quite pointless, insignificant, but i'd just like to tell everyone that i get to go off earlier tomorrow during school! 10.30am, to be exact. the only problem is i have to perform for the cny celebration, and what else do i have to perform but chinese dance?

oh well, the dance is kind of cute anyway. i hope the audience is polite enough not to laugh at our shimmies.

i had a dream yesterday. the things you dream about, you don't expect. i thought my dream was true. it felt so real. sometimes it takes one to let go before something you wanted so much to happen, happens.

how philosophical. musings are fun though. i've been learning more about myself recently.

random: why can't i learn to be myself more? perhaps it's the lack of honesty with myself that i try to put up a mask in front the people whose opinion i value so much. time to take down that smokescreen. i hope i can do that, but i seriously doubt it will be easy. words are easily written or typed, but actions... so hard to actually do.

my brain stopped whirring, but i feel the sudden urge to write. how?

goodnight. may your dreams(good ones) turn to reality. i know mine never will.

i am now posting more in my blog than my lj! oh well.

these few days have been strange, as well as tiring. i kept telling my books i hated them(LOL) and today i told keziah i hated the world.(jokingly, duh.) it's so stressful, this life. i've probably said this a lot of times already.

anyway i was talking to keziah and then i realised i should be more confident! most people think i'm pretty much comfortable with myself but actually i'm not, and i can be pretty harsh on myself at times. i can't do that anymore! God made me beautiful and wonderful!

now, if only i'd stop prcrastinating with my homework. haha.

i'm going out with the ~horney hornets~ tomorrow! forever 21 here i come! i suspect li wei has given me her shopping bug(or disease...), because while she has "no mood to shop", i have these cravings to go shopping and just splurge, on everything and anything. how unhealthy. i'm also going to sibyl's house on tuesday! (:

i love chinese new year. every year we have reunion dinner(this sat!), except this year it's at our house because of my grandmother. you see, the old house doesn't have the lift stopping at every level. we can't move her down two storeys, she'll become scared and she might yell, which would result in a very possible bad mood later on. on the first day of cny we go to my grandmother's house(so this year i stay at home) and in the afternoon we go to my maternal grandmother's place. most of my 'revenue' comes from there haha! my five aunts/uncles and a slew of different people visiting too! i either go into the room and secretly open my angbaos with my cousins and count the money or plop in front of the teevee and watch(and munch on goodies). plus the awesome shark's fin soup(♥), as well as abalone(♥) and the steamboat(♥)!

plus i get to wear my new pretty new year clothes, haha.

i also think i get to bond with my cousins over discussing how much money we got from our angbaos! we don't gamble(yet XD) because most of my cousins are still in primary school. let's not pollute them! besides, i don't know how to play taiti(?). such a failure lol. i don't know how to play blackjack either. or any of those gambling games cousins usually play on cny. fml.

my family is so innocent! HAHA.

i should totally be doing my homework instead of blogging and gushing about cny.

i have to finish english!!! i like mr lim yong khern. his english is very good and he's very nice! :D and he tells us all sorts of things (including ghost stories of zhonghua and how the word f**k came about and p.s. it's not exactly vulgar, but still involves sex). i also have bio journal. mr chong's actually very nice! but i better not push my luck. amazingly, i currently do not owe any chinese homework. how awesome is that? i feel accomplished!

the same cannot be said for e/a math. i should buck up, even though math is the bane of my existence.

this post seems very long. i wonder who'll read this. bye.

hello i've been so tired lately! dance is three times a week now, i suppose that's the reason why i lack energy. (also, i'm used to sleeping at 10 but i sleep at about 11 now D:)

homework is piling up! and it's not even because i'm not doing my work, seriously.

i seem to have been bitten by the shopping bug. i want to spend the entire day shopping lol. forever21! scarves and dresses and accessories! LOL. i bought a fedora on saturday. in love with it haha. i want more more more more more!

financial crisis, better not spend too much. but i do want a pair of 80 denier tights from topshop!

materialistic Eliada is materialistic.

lately, i've been addicted listening to Jason Mraz and John Mayer. mix of happy and emo songs, haha.

bed never looked so inviting in all my 15 years. 2009 is the year for cherishing your awesome bed which allows you to sleep well :D

i don't make much sense anymore, but that's okay.

goodnight all, have good dreams. unlike me, who had a dream that i was preggers last friday. it was weird and funny.

i got A2 for chinese!

thank you Lord (:

and those who didn't get what they expected/wanted, don't fret! you can always do better for higher chinese. it's totally possible to get better for higher chinese cos it's been done before~

OKAY I AM GOING TO BED NOW! and i shall try to type in proper english from now on. but of course i'll still be using my LOLs and IDKs and etc etc.

i am tired. off to bed i go.

right now i'm wondering about why i came online to blog.

it's barely a week into sec four and i'm already tired. do you know what zhengyang said to me during camp?

he said "aiyah, been there, done that."

HOW HE MAKE IT SOUND SO EASY?!

feels unnatural. oh well he's old so yeah haha.

SERIOUSLY i can't deal with zhonghua.

i wish i had like 16 months to prepare for Os and not like 9 months. the worse thing was i couldn't concentrate during both math classes. i kept wanting to sleep. how am i supposed to learn anything like that? i am disappointed with myself, i guess. perhaps coffee and sour sweets will work.

i listened to click today! right now, actually. it feels strangely nostalgic. these guys are good and i'll probably buy their new album for old time's sake but i can't see why i was so crazy over kyle now. LOL. cute, that he is, but i don't squeal over him anymore.

travis wall/ivan koumaev/skandar keynes = ♥

yes i still gush about these three people haha.

oh and nicole wants me to blog about the bag. well you can just go to her blog and see the picture of the bag because i am far too tired/lazy to take pictures of it. in any case, it is awesome and more than one person has mistaken it for a store bought designed bag.

melanie kept hitting my arm on sunday because she liked it so much lol. she kept going "SO NICE!!!"

so yes nicole if you're a famous artist in the future i will keep it and when you die and i die i will ask my children to sell it for big bucks and the family will live in luxury for a long time XD

if you're lazy like me the bag has a girl on the left side of the huge canvas bag, sitting on a moon and looking and dangling stars on the right with clouds being propped up by poles below the stars.

don't know if i've done a good job of describing but i really don't care. off to have dinner because i am hungry.

i hate this i hate this stop haunting me because i am finally over it and i am finally over you.

i am so tired! because of dance and staying up to watch mind your language on okto yesterday. and later on i have tuition. i should have slept earlier.

i am so tired! of tuition homework, that is. english is tiring me out gah. i wish i only had to go for lessons and not do homework. i don't like doing argumentative or expository compos. narrative is so much easier.

how do i write a composition with this super difficult question on what are my views about money and happiness not being able to co-exist?! actually my tutor went through the question, kinda, but she did it more to expand our view on it and now i feel like a have a ton of things to write but i don't know where to start. and when i do start, i get stuck.

this is why narratives are easier to do. just a simple story with some pretty vocabulary sprinkled here and there, some dialogue, some stuff mentioned to appeal to the senses and you're like done.

i guess i should stop whining and get on with it. i won't get better if i don't try. and besides, im running out of time.

i want to sleep! D: how random yes i know but yeah byebye.

first day of school was boring. such a drag, because there were 95864 briefings in the hall and my butt started to ache from sitting in the gallery where i can't exactly change my sitting position much.

i will see ms lian tomorrow, whoohoo! i better go write my du hou gan properly cos it's currently written on rough paper. i also have to do english. CHEMISTRY OMG DIE. stupid carbon monoxide project. gah.

i can't believe sec 4 is here so soon. im at the top of the food chain! ROFL. no stupid junior will cut my queue anymore! i shall just give them the death glare and then if they really don't leave i can report them to the DM who will probably be my BIOLOGY teacher, HAHAHA. suckers!

okay im not so mean okay. maybe i'll just threaten them. heh.

I MUST STUDY I MUST STUDY I MUSTTT STUDYYYYYY.

pfft. must do well or i'll regret thisssssss. i regretted PSLE, don't want to regret O levels also. very sian to regret things. tsk.

i had i rather funny conversation with a random person on friday. or was it thursday? it's weird, but still funny. :D

i was thinking of getting some counter thingy so i know how many people come see my blog. i shall stalk you all MUAHAHA. or maybe not. i like to think no one reads this. if not i very shy leh... HAHA nah just kidding.

my mood is so weird today! why am i so happy. pfft, goodbye.

yeah i've jumped on the bandwagon of resolutions.

1. do qt everyday! (this is of utmost importance)
2. do homework (if 1 works out, this might work out too)
3. be nicer to people.
4. be less of a grammar nazi.
5. be a better friend.
6.buy more clothes okay that wasn't counted.

no moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

if i had too many i'd forget them and not fulfill them in the end.

and i have to miss america's next top model from now on because i cannot afford to sleep at 1 or 2 in the morning and wake up 4 or 5 hours later. i cannot sleep in class.

and i have this feeling i will have to smuggle food into class daily from now on because recess is now at 11.10am. i am convinced the school wants us to starve. 10.40am was bad enough and now 11.10?! we end school at 1.50pm so we're supposed to have lunch on still kinda full stomachs and go for structured study programmestupid study programme and fall asleep due to full tummies and the hot sun.

yay. sec four sounds like it's going to be so fun.

please sense my awesome sarcasm or i will smack your head.

have a nice day! not.

grandma's back, but in a wheelchair. either it's still painful or she refuses to walk. she's like, scarred. scared when the nurses were helping her change when she was in the hospital. now... i don't know what's gonna happen because she can't walk so it's really difficult for the maid to help her bathe and go to the toilet etc. very frustrating. might have to go to a nursing home, plus don't know if the maid can cope cos even when she transfers my grandma from the bed to the wheelchair grandma's already so scared. then grandma will also make a lot of noise and keep saying she can't walk.

i don't want her to gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. even though i lost my own room when she came and she scolds the tv sometimes and when i turn over in bed and she's not sleeping she'll think there's a rat/lizard or something crawling up there on the wall and give a small yelp sometimes cos she's surprised. i actually missed that while she was at the hospital.

anyway if she goes the maid will go and then i'll have to start helping with housework and all that. and no more home cooked dinners cos mum is v busy nowadays and dad works at clementi so when he comes back it'll be too late to cook.

so yeah. don't know what's to happen in 2009. i guess i'll just really have to buck up and do my job(study) properly. and get like 10 or something for Os.

and i really have to depend on God more. and do my qt everyday. won't be able to get through the year without him lah.

okay i'm not totally depressed i just feel weird.

yesterday and today is like a difference of one year but it just really felt like nothing more than an ordinary day to me.

happy new year to you lor. lol.

yiwei i updated hoho are you satisfied!

and chingmay i know can. it is not susah to find out the meaning of susah. HOHO.